My mother is almost never happy when I cut my hair. It appears to me that she thinks ‘hair’ is a women’s priced possession. I know the general myth, or maybe a clinically proven myth that when you undergo pregnancy and stuff, you lose a lot of hair which is inevitable. But growing and maintaining long hair ain’t a piece of cake.
I am not the actual version of ‘I-love-my-hair’ girl. I have suffered with severe sinusitis and headaches when I wash my hair and tried to let it dry. Since my mom does not like blow dryers, I have to sit alone with my damp hair or maybe hunt for sunshine to dry it. I don’t understand what’s the whole fuss about it. My mothers seems unhappy about me cutting my hair.
Another thing I deeply regret now is my accidental experiment with my laptop. I have mentioned in my previous entries that I spilled coffee all over it and I was guessing it’s fried. Well, maybe it is fried. The accident happened during the warranty period, so the insurance covers it for the damages. I have learnt that I cannot simply share my home computer with my parents. Privacy seems to be a big deal these days. And everyone wants to have a cubicle of private space on the internet. I never log out from my social accounts. May it be facebook or twitter or tumblr for that matter. Since the laptop was co-owned by me, I thought it was ‘okay’ to not log out from these websites. I had a lot of romantic, underwritten poetic bullshit saved as drafts in it. I had journal entries saved in Microsoft Word. I had pictures of hot models and cheesy quotes on my folders. Now I feel almost paralyzed since its gone. I was happy before it, but since it’s summer and I am on my vacation and college is about to start in 3 weeks, I wanna spend some quality time with myself. That’s vague to tell but, you know I like being alone with the things I love.
My parents swore they’ll never buy me books. That sent me to tantrums like a kid. I was protesting as if I am seeking freedom for something. I finished reading Perks Of Being A Wallflower in a day. That depresses me and makes me happy. I loved the story. Raw, unadultered emotions. It’s chaos being a teenager in this generation. And if you’re growing in a traditionally woven country where everyone seems to be weirdly involved in some religious/political belief, then well, you’re screwed.
I was Charlie from the book. I am definitely him. The odds are that I don’t cry much and I can take my own decisions. But when it comes to understanding people and complicate relationships.. I am a pseudonym of Hollywood actresses. I just try to flaunt over their style. Like use funny words and laugh a lot. That scares people, especially boys. I am sorry. I am okay with having a family, maybe they are okay with having me. I wish someone would gift me more books for my birthday. Or they can give me money and I will buy those books.
18 years spent after landing on this planet. I am still alive and somewhere my soul regrets it. I have quite been a person. A very weird person. I hope college teaches me more things than make me build my nutshell bigger and indestructible by the society. It’s a brave new world. Scary yet promising.